Clybourne Park Page 13
STEVE
But I didn’t say that, did I?
LENA
Sounded like you did.
STEVE
(to KEVIN)
Did I say that?
KEVIN
Yeah, you kinda did.
STEVE
In what way did I say that?
KEVIN
Uh, somebody said racism.
STEVE
-Cism! -Cism! Not -cist!!
KEVIN
Which must originate from somewhere.
STEVE
And which we all find totally reprehesnsi–
KEVIN
So –are you the racist?
STEVE
Can I just — ?
KEVIN
Is it your wife?
KATHY
Don’t look at me.
STEVE
Look:
KEVIN
’Cause, by process of elimination —
STEVE
Here’s what I’m saying:
LINDSEY
What are you saying?!
STEVE
I’m saying: Was race not a factor -
LINDSEY
(re: STEVE, exonerating herself)
I don’t know this person.
STEVE
Were there not these differences—
LINDSEY
What differences!!? There’s no -
STEVE
(to LINDSEY re: LENA)
Okay: She walks in here, from the very beginning, with all these issues — (cont’d.)
LENA
(overlapping)
About your house.
STEVE
(continuous)
– and I’m only asking whether, were we not, shall we say – ?
LINDSEY
You’re creating an issue. Where none exists.
STEVE
Oh oh oh you heard what she said. She as much as claimed that there’s some kind of, of, of secret conspiracy –
LENA
Oh, it’s not a secret.
KEVIN
(to LENA)
Ohh, c’mon. Are you seriously — ?
LENA
(to KEVIN)
Oh, please don’t be purposely naive.
STEVE
There. Thank you. Now you see what I’m – ?
LENA
This has been under discussion for at least four decades now –(cont’d.)
KEVIN
(overlapping, to LENA)
You can’t prove that.
LENA
(continuous)
– at the highest institutional levels of –
(to KEVIN)
– oh, don’t act like you don’t know it’s true.
STEVE
(to LENA)
What, and now we’re the evil invaders who are –
LINDSEY
(to STEVE)
She never said that!!!!
STEVE
—appropriating your ancestral homeland?
LINDSEY
(to STEVE)
This, this, this – No. I’m sorry, this is the most asinine –
(to LENA and KEVIN)
Half of my friends are black!
STEVE
(sputtering)
What!!??
LINDSEY
(to STEVE, as to a child)
As is true for most normal people.
STEVE
Name one.
LINDSEY
Normal people? Tend to have many friends of a diverse and wide-ranging –
STEVE
You can’t name one!
LINDSEY
Candace.
STEVE
(beat, then)
Name another.
LINDSEY
I don’t have to stand here compiling a list of –
STEVE
You said half. You specifically
LINDSEY
Theresa.
STEVE
She works in your office!! She’s not your “friend”.
LINDSEY
She was at the baby shower, Steve! I hope she not my enemy!!
TOM
Well, this is all fascinating –
STEVE
(to LINDSEY)
Name another.
TOM
And while I’d love to sit here and review all of American History, maybe we should concentrate on the plans for your property – (cont’d.)
STEVE
(overlapping)
Yes!! Yes!! (cont’d.)
TOM
(continuous)
– which had been the original topic of the convers –
STEVE
(overlapping, continuous)
The history of America is the history of private property.
LENA
That may be –
STEVE
Read De Tocqueville.
LENA
– though I rather doubt your grandparents were sold as private property.
STEVE
(to KEVIN & LENA)
Ohhhhh my god. Look. Look. Humans are territorial, okay?
LINDSEY
(to STEVE)
Who are you?
STEVE
This is why we have wars. One group, one tribe, tries to usurp some territory - and now you guys have this territory, right? And you don’t like having it stolen away from you, the way white people stole everything else from black America. We get it, okay? And we apologize. But what good does it do, if we perpetually fall into the same, predictable little euphemistic tap dance around the topic?
KEVIN
You know how to tap dance?
STEVE
See? See what he’s doing?!!
LINDSEY
Maybe quit while you’re ahead.
STEVE
No. I’m sick of - No. Every single word we say is - is - is scrutinized for some kind of latent – Meanwhile you guys run around saying n-word this and n-word that and whatever. We all know why there’s a double standard but I can’t even so much as repeat a fucking joke that the one black guy I know told me -
KEVIN
So tell the goddamn joke.
STEVE
Not now!!
KEVIN
If you feel so oppressed, either go ahead and tell it-
LINDSEY
(to SIEGE)
Do not.
KEVIN
— or maybe you could move on.
LINDSEY
(with finality)
Thank you!
LENA
Well, I want to hear it.
KEVIN
(to LENA)
Ohh, don’t.
LENA
(to KEVIN)
Why not? You’re not interested?
LINDSEY
No. Trust me. It’s offensive.
STEVE
(to LINDSEY)
Of course it’s offensive – (cont’d.)
LINDSEY
(overlapping
To me. Offensive to me.
STEVE
(continuous)
– that’s the whole point of the – How? How does it offend you?
LINDSEY
Because it’s disgusting and juvenile and traffics in the worst possible type of obsolete bullshit stereotypes.
LENA
Well, now I gotta hear it.
KEVIN
No no no no no. Aww, c’mon.
STEVE
No. I can’t.
LINDSEY
Not while I’m in the room.
LENA
(to KEVIN, re: LINDSEY)
Well, she says it’s so offensive, and I have no way of knowing if she’s right, and if I don’t ever hear it, how will I ever know?
(KEVIN sighs, throws up his hands.)
STEVE
Um, you know what? I don’t even remember it now.
LENA
Two men in jail, you said.
KATHY
Oh, I know t
his one!
LINDSEY
(a warning)
Steven?
LENA
Wasn’t that it? Two men …?
STEVE
I – Okay. So there’s – Look, it’s not even my joke, okay?!! It was told to me by Kyle Hendrickson, who, for what it’s worth, happens to be –
LENA
Black.
STEVE
Right.
LENA
So the white man goes to jail.
LINDSEY
(to STEVE)
I can’t believe you actually intend to — !! Fine.
STEVE
Anyway.
LINDSEY
Knock ’em dead.
STEVE
Goes to jail for … you know Embezzlement. Something. Little white guy. And he’s put in a jail cell with this … uhhh …
LENA
With a black man.
STEVE
Big black guy
LINDSEY
(appalled)
And why “big”? (cont’d.)
STEVE
(overlapping, to LINDSEY)
I am repeating, verbatim, a joke—(cont’d.)
LINDSEY
(continuous)
Why does it have to be “big”? What does that reveal about your subconscious —?
STEVE
(conitinuous)
— in the precise manner in which it was told to me.
LENA
Little white man.
LINDSEY
(head in hands)
Oh god.
LENA
Big black man.
STEVE
In the … yeah, so they … um, slam the cell door … behind him, I guess, and the black guy turns to the white guy, black guy goes, “Okay, I’m gonna give you a choice. While you’re in here with me, you can either be the mommy, or you can be the daddy” And the white guy thinks for a second and he goes, “Uh, well, um, I guess, if it’s up to me, then, I guess I’d have to say I’d prefer to be the daddy.” (clears his throat) And, the black guy goes, “Okay, well then bend over ’cause Mommy’s gonna fuck you in the ass.”
(Long pause. No one laughs or smiles. They simply nod or shake their beads. Finally …)
KATHY
That’s not the one I was thinking of.
STEVE
(academically)
So: Is that “offensive”?
LENA
No.
LINDSEY
Are you ins— ?!?!!!
STEVE
(to LINDSEY)
To you. How is it offensive to you?
LINDSEY
I don’t think it’s me you should be asking,.
LENA
No, the problem with that joke, see, is that it’s not funny.
LINDSEY
No shit.
STEVE
(to LINDSEY)
You laughed when I told it to you!!
LENA
And had it been a funny joke —
STEVE
It is funny. Yes it is. And and and and the reason it’s funny, is, is, is that it plays upon certain latent fears of – of – of – of white people, visa-vis the –
TOM
Okay. I’d like to add: I’m gay.
STEVE
I – I – I – I – well, I didn’t know that.
KATHY
See? You never know You really don’t.
(to TOM)
I couldn’t tell at all.
LINDSEY
Nice. Nice going, Steven. Nice work.
TOM
So I guess you think sex between men is funny
STEVE
Oh, come on!!!
TOM
Just inherently funny.
STEVE
And it’s not even sex, it’s rape! .
LINDSEY
So rape is funny.
STEVE
N- Yes!!! In the context of the joke.
KATHY
My sister was raped.
STEVE
I quit.
KATHY
So it’s offensive to me.
LINDSEY
And me!
STEVE
(re: TOM)
And him. And them. That’s the point of the joke. To permit the expression of – And what does it even mean, “Offended”? I don’t even know what it means.
KEVIN
How many white men does it take to change a light bulb?
TOM
Okay, I’m about two minutes from leaving? So, heads up.
LINDSEY
No. Can we please not? I’m asking you as a favor.
KATHY
Aha. See? Shoe’s on the other foot now.
STEVE
Fine! Tell me the joke. I want to hear it. I do. (cont’d.)
STEVE
(continuous)
How many white men does it take to change a light bulb?
KEVIN
All of ’em.
STEVE
And why is that?
KEVIN
One to hold the light bulb while the rest of ’em screw the entire world.
STEVE
So?!! You think I’m “offended”? I can do this all day. What’s long and hard on a black man?
LINDSEY
How is this happening??!!
KEVIN
I don’t know, Steve. What is long and hard on a black man?
STEVE
First grade. Are you “offended”?
KEVIN
Nope.
STEVE
Neither am I.
LINDSEY
You can’t be offended, you moron – (cont’d.)
STEVE
(astonished laugh)
…I can’t?
LINDSEY
(continuous)
— because you’ve never been politically marginalized, unlike the majority of people in the world – (cont’d.)
STEVE
(overlapping) .
How can a majority be marginal?
LINDSEY
(continuous)
— and, by the way, all women, everywhere, and it’s your classic white male myopia that you’re blind to that basic fact.
LENA
Why is a white woman like a tampon?
(All turn to LENA. Pause.)
LINDSEY
Why is what?
LENA
It’s a joke.